


The Horny Conversation

by crimsonluna



Series: Anime chat fics [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Mild Language, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22821343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonluna/pseuds/crimsonluna
Summary: In which Kiba has a question and goes to the group chat for answers.
Relationships: None
Series: Anime chat fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858927
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	The Horny Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> This is from the wonderful thread on Shadow-chan81 blog.  
> Now, I did add some of my own stuff to this but for the most part, a lot of it is from that thread.  
> Also, I did not do the whole thread because I could not bring myself to do. I'm sorry yall but I was weak. But I hope you enjoy what I did though. 
> 
> Since this is a group chat style fic, I have given the characters chat names:  
> Naruto - NootNoot  
> Sai - Pictonut  
> Sakura - Shamwow  
> Shikamaru - Creeper?  
> Chouji - Aw man  
> Ino - WhatsYourSign?  
> Kiba - horehound  
> Shino - BugBitchBottomBoy  
> Hinata - By Billie Eilish  
> Neji - The Gay Cousin  
> Lee - Mineral Bee  
> TenTen - Scarlett Johansson 
> 
> Enjoy :)

[3:00 am]

horehound: guys i have a question 

WhatsYourSign?: Ask away. 

By Billie Eilish: 👀 

horehound: how do i stop being horny? 

Creeper?: what the hell man  
Creeper?: Its to early for this

WhatsYourSign?: Just sit in a tub filled with ice water? That works for me. 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Use a hammer. 

By Billie Eilish: Neji said that you can counteract the feeling by eating a raw potato, but it's only temporary. 

horehound: cool thanks  
[horehound is offline] 

WhatsYourSign?: Afgshxvdcchc?????? 

Creeper?: It really is way too early for this 

WhatsYourSign?: Then why the fuck are you on??? 

Creeper?: don't tell me how to live my life 

WhatsYourSign?: ........

BugBitchBottomBoy: Hinata do you have the popcorn? 

By Billie Eilish: Of course I do  
By Billie Eilish: You want it with butter? 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Hell yeah, drown it 

[12:40 pm] 

horehound: neither one worked 

Creeper?: Well what the fuck did you expect??? 

horehound: results 

Shamwow: Kiba your an idiot. 

WhatsYourSign?: Have you been trying for 9 hours????????

Aw man: So 

horehound: mayhaps

BugBitchBottomBoy: That's what we've been telling him but he never listens. 

horehound: shut the fuck up bugfucker 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Bold words coming from a furry. 

WhatsYourSign?: Kiba how are you still alive???? 

BugBitchBottomBoy: The question I constantly ask myself in his presence. 

horehound: pretty sure its just luck  
horehound: also, fuck off you whore

BugBitchBottomBoy: No 

Aw man: what I think about this is that a) hinata turned to neji and asked on behalf of kiba or b) hinata has asked neji this question before and had the answer readily available and I don't know which one is better. 

WhatsYourSign?: Neither slut is on so we can't ask dcxbdgcvf 

Shamwow: Also, Neji answered her.  
Shamwow: I would imagine him sputtering and turning red before passing out. 

NootNoot: just like hinata  
NootNoot: guess they really are related! 

Shamwow: And depending on her word choice, she could have insinuated that Neji was too horny and needed to stop. 

horehound: oh my god vdvdgdbdccvf 

WhatsYourSign?: Neji is horny on main confirmed. 

Mineral Bee: Bold of you to assume Neji knows what sex is! 

horehound: bold of you to assume neji doesn't fuck

Aw man: bold of you to assume Neji can fuck 

NootNoot: bold of you to assume neji

Scarlett Johansson: So we just gonna ignore the potato thing? 

Aw man: We just gonna ignore the fact that Shino beats his dick with a hammer? 

Creeper?: Its Shino what were you expecting? 

Shamwow: I mean, if he's gonna do that whatever  
Shamwow: But why tell Kiba?  
Shamwow: Literally the worst idea ever. 

[BugBitchBottomBoy is offline] 

NootNoot: SUSPICIOUS 

WhatsYourSign?: Agzgdgxbdgc 

Shamwow: "Oh hey yeah, very aggressive furry with hyper activity and the inability to think before he does stupid shit, did you know that you can beat your genitals with a carpenter's tool? Free of charge?"  
Shamwow: Instant death  
Shamwow: Kiba hears this and the whole world explodes in a fiery hell as he dashes to his garage  
Shamwow: The outcome is inevitable.  
Shamwow: He can no longer be stopped. 

Scarlett Johansson: Sakura I'm fucking wheezing oml 

Creeper?: Ok but why did I hear that in Shino's voice? 

horehound: hey i m right here bitch 

Aw man: Fuck getting Sasuke back, this is the real shit! 

NootNoot: D: 

Shamwow: Chouji shut up 

WhatsYourSign?: No, let him speak. 

Shamwow: Ino, I will beat you with a hammer 

WhatsYourSign?: I'd like to see you try 8 head

[6:23 pm] 

Mineral Bee: WOW  
Mineral Bee: This whole conversation is a mess. 

Aw man: Yes but it's the best kind of mess. 

The Gay Cousin: What the absolute fuck are you guys saying behind my back????

horehound: that you to horny and you need to stop  
horehound: hinata confirms it 

The Gay Cousin: Shut the fuck up. 

WhatsYourSign?: OK  
WhatsYourSign?: We all have a mutual understanding that Shino will be Shino but where the FUCK did he originally get the idea to beat his dick with a hammer?????  
WhatsYourSign?: Like did it just randomly hit him in the midst of fighting to stay focused on his activity and not his urge to dance between the sheets or did he get this from someone else and thought it would be a cool idea to try???? 

Creeper?: God, were still on this shit? 

WhatsYourSign?: Yes, because we need answers! 

horehound: that's it that the answer  
horehound: i accept nothing else this is canon 

NootNoot: jchcggdhychfj

Mineral Bee: That sounds so unsanitary! 

Aw man: Naruto dared him to try it and he somehow got hooked on using a hammer to beat his dick. 

horehound: so naruto beats his dick with a hammer to huh??  
horehound: damn we got some kinky motherfuckers here 

NootNoot: I DO NOT 

Mineral Bee: This is a wild ride from start to finish. 

Scarlett Johansson: I reread this and actually had to lay down for a bit. 

Creeper?: is anyone checking up on Shino though? Because I'm p sure he's still beating his dick with a hammer 

The Gay Cousin: Cock and ball torture  
[The Gay Cousin is offline] 

Scarlett Johansson: NEJI OH MY GOD DFCBDHCHFBFD 

WhatsYourSign?: IM SCREAMING 

Aw man: HhxctBzfVxJXSCDHSV 

Shamwow: Thanks, I hate it. 

BugBitchBottomBoy: I come back on here, after spending a wonderful time with my family, to theories on how I jack off.  
BugBitchBottomBoy: Like, I'm not mad or anything, but why? 

Shamwow: Well why the hell did you tell Kiba to use a hammer????  
Shamwow: Like in what universe was that ever a good idea??? 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Its just like what Shikamaru said. Because it's me, what did you expect? 

Mineral Bee: Yes but why? 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Do you guys really want to know? 

WhatsYourSign?: What do you think? 

BugBitchBottomBoy: Alright fine, I'll tell you.  
BugBitchBottomBoy: But first, I want to show you guys something.  
BugBitchBottomBoy: h ttps://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ 

horehound: YOU MOTHERFUCKET 

Aw man: AGKCSSDBGSFDBDHDVT 

Scarlett Johansson: I don't know what I expected oh my god 

BugBitchBottomBoy: :) 

horehound: SHINO IM GON KILL YOUCXVCBDVXH 

[BugBitchBottomBoy is offline] 

horehound: SHINO YOU GET YOU ASS BAVK IN THIS CHAT AND FACE THE PRICE FOR YIYE SINS

[horehound is offline] 

Shamwow: God 

[3:50 am] 

Pictonut: So I guess this means that Shino really does beat his dick with a hammer.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this, I actually had fun writing this and I might do some more Nart group chats in the future. 
> 
> All yall go follow Shadow-chan on Tumblr, their blog is absolutely fantastic and their post just brings me to tears! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day or night wherever you are <3


End file.
